Category Archives: Let’s Talk Games

Top 5 Bosses from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Hey everyone, we’ve got something a little special for you today. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time stands as one of the most memorable games of the 90’s era, and our video editor “Ebby” took a crack at writing his own script about his top five bosses of the game.

The script and the video that resulted from that effort are below. We hope you enjoy it! Be sure to follow the blog for more content like this.

Video

Hello everyone, this is Ebby of The Demented Ferrets. This will be a Top 5 list of my personal favorite Bosses from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time for the Nintendo 64. Please note that these are simply my opinions, and I do not speak for anyone else.

#5. Queen Gohma

This armor-plated monstrosity towers above Link as a child. When I first encountered this boss many years ago, I had little-to-no idea what to expect until I saw its eye. I knew its eye was the obvious weak-point, but hitting it didn’t seem to do anything until it climbed to the ceiling. Once I saw its eye turn red, however, it was then I knew when to hit the weak point. I generally prefer to not use consumable items unless absolutely necessary (thank you OCD), so aside from the Slingshot, I didn’t want to use anything other than what I needed to win at the time. The figure, pose, and design of this first boss, along with the surrounding atmosphere has made a lasting impression on many, if not all, who have played this game.

#4. Volvagia

The end of the second Fire-themed temple of the game thrusts Link into battling the Subterranean Lava Dragon itself. This boss was a lot of fun for me when I fought it for the first time, and every time since. I love dragons, and this one was especially fun, even if it’s a glorified version of Whack-a-mole. It was only after I had read the manga that it really tugged on the heartstrings and I haven’t been able to see an image of the poor dragon, let alone fight it, without hearing it call Link’s name with its dying breath in my head ever since.

#3. Dark Link

While technically a mini-boss, Dark Link can prove more challenging to some than the proper bosses themselves. Personally, I never really had too much trouble with Dark Link over the decades, even when playing for the first time. But now and again, I like to try different ways of defeating him using different weapon and item combinations. The concept is wonderful. Facing and overcoming your dark self is quite interesting, and I don’t think I’ve run across one that actually mirrors your attacks to such a degree. By the time I encounter Dark Link, I usually have the Biggoron’s Sword with me, so a simple forward thrust attack is enough to bypass his defenses and damage him.

#2. Bongo-Bongo

The boss of the Shadow Temple is my second favorite enemy design of the game. The Shadow Temple as a whole enraptured me when I was young and when I got to the boss, I wasn’t prepared for what I faced. I had no idea that arrows damaged him until after my first death. While my OCD tells me not to use items, you kinda have to in order to fight this boss (at least with the clunky controller I have). The tortured design of this creature simultaneously drew me in and repelled me when I first saw it. Since then, I’ve only grown to love the sickeningly beautiful design more.

#1. Ganon

The nearly pitch-black atmosphere with only the illumination from the beast’s eyes and blades were the only real signs of its location, when I first did battle with this hulking creature. With the lightning only occasionally showing this black monster’s features, it was rather difficult at the time to fight this boss back in the day (especially with the old tv we had back in the 1990’s). Nowadays, it’s much easier to see its features, but back then? I might as well have been playing blindfolded. It was only after turning off all the lights (which everyone else always left on…) that I was able to see the screen well enough to fight. For days after I finally beat it for the first time, I replayed this boss again and again to test it out.

I used to be good at this game before my dyspraxia took full effect, but I was once able to fight Ganon using only a bottle while wearing the Iron Boots for the added challenge. Ah, the good ole’ days… I don’t remember if I tried the fishing rod against him or not… oh well. At any rate, the final boss of Ocarina of Time has embedded itself in my memory as not only a worthy adversary, but also as a visual icon (now that I can see him properly, thanks to improved technology). This boss will likely always be my favorite of Ocarina of Time for its design, brute force, hulking frame, and the ability to make children scream in terror. 

While you may not agree with this list, nor my reasons (if one can really call these reasons), these are merely my opinions. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is one of my favorite games and I hope this helps you to check the game out, if you haven’t already.

You can find my play through of Ocarina of Time here, so feel free to watch me fail miserably, with near constant interruptions by my three (very) needy cats.

This has been Ebby of “The Demented Ferrets”, where stupidity is at its finest and level grinds are par for the course. Until next time… if you enjoyed this content, feel free to check out our Patreon page and consider subscribing! We’d all greatly appreciate it.

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Remembering Super Mario Brothers (1985)

Hey everyone, it’s Kernook here. You gaming fans out there may recall the early days of Super Mario Bros, particularly if you were a gamer in the 80’s. Over the years, this game has become a touchstone and a massive franchise. Today, I’d just like to air my thoughts on the game that I so fondly recall.

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Super Mario Bros. is a game that I don’t need to review. We all know it, we’ve all heard of it, and it would be pretty redundant to review this thing when I’m sure other people could do it much better than I can. I do love the game though, even if I absolutely suck at playing it.

Platform games have never been my skill, quite the opposite. I’m much more likely to see “game over” screens than I am to beat any platforming title on the first attempt… or even the first few attempts. When it comes to my formative years in gaming, I spent most of my time falling into pits and inadvertently running headlong into enemies or projectile hammers.

There is one franchise that towers among them when it comes to endless strings of “game over” screens and a young version of myself gritting my teeth and gripping the controller as I try again to complete it. Even though it isn’t known for it’s difficulty like Contra was, Super Mario Brothers isn’t an easy game by far.

To me the iconic art style of the lettering and brick pattern stands out even today. I can almost hear the music of world one, stage one in my head as soon as I see this thing. Yes, the sentiment bears repeating. I absolutely love Super Mario Bros.

It holds a very special place in my heart of hearts. I spent my earliest days watching my older brother play this game. I recall nap times in front of the television set, blanket and sippy-cup of juice in hand on hot summer days. I remember being too little to hold the controller or figure out the mechanics.

I was born in 1989, so the early 90’s for me was a time of fun and excitement when it came to the world of gaming. I envied my brother’s ability to play it. I wanted to be just as good as him. Spoiler, that was never going to happen.

This game was full of noteworthy little secrets or things to do that are now common knowledge. For example, the ability to jump up onto the the top layer of blocks and run through most of the stage this way. These days it’s pretty obvious, but I recall scowling at the screen the first time I saw this little trick.

It really is the little things that come to mind. The simple, if repetitive music. The red or blue bricks and layers of pipes that allow you to explore each stage. The little bonus areas that reward you for exploring around in the first place, and of course we can’t forget about the iconic enemies or that screen at the end of world one, stage four.

I truly wonder these days just how many people got annoyed to see that iconic moment when you finally beat King Bowser for the first time. Mario seems to be victorious, only to see Toad standing in the dark halls with a message. Yep, we all know the moment I’m talking about…

These days, it probably doesn’t feel so annoying, or at the very least confusing. I’m sure many children were perplexed the first time they saw it, though. My mother tells stories of my brother feeling agitated when he first saw that after hours of effort. I certainly felt the same the first time I got there, and I knew that would happen because he played the game so much in the first place.

Either way, moments later, world two loads up with four more levels that would continue to get progressively harder and upon completion the pattern continues. These days speed runners make it look easy, and I think we take for granted the sharp difficultly curves that occur midway through the game. With eight worlds in totality, four stages each, it was probably a very difficult battle to get to the finish the first time around for most people.

Still, this is a foundational game to the generations of people who played them in their earliest iterations. With such a long lived franchise you’ll certainly find better games out there. The titular character Mario and his brother Luigi have certainly gone on their fair share of adventures over the years. It behooves us to look back either way.

This game stands as a paramount benchmark for what a good platformer was at the time, and the waves that Super Mario Bros sent through the gaming industry to become what it is today.

Void Bastards is Plain Stupid Fun

The game is is also very rage-inducing… hey everyone, it’s Kern here. Time to talk about 2019’s pinnacle of assholian game design: Void Bastards.

Be warned this post is riddled with swears, because of course it is…

Here’s the thing. Void Bastards is an absolutely no-shits-given, entirely unrepentant first-person shooter. The developer boasts warnings on their steam page about the fact that the game includes cartoon violence, gore and strong language…

You know what? The game does do that, it does that a lot. Frankly the game is absolutely bombastic at times, and I loved every second of it.

Look, you’re not going to get intelligent satire or thought-provoking, higher-minded concepts. You’re going to get exploding Kittybots and Void Whales that will ruin your day if you have no torpedoes. That’s what you’re going to get. If you don’t like that you can have cameras named Peepers that’ll also make your life hell.

Catch the drift here?

The proof is in the name, Void Bastards is everything it promises itself to be. It’s one bastard of a game, and you’re going to die a lot. If you’re not getting your ass handed to you, you’re either a master at the game, or you’ve lucked out…

The game has a cartoon-like style. It’s almost as if the imagery was ripped right out of a comic book. The game doesn’t take itself too seriously, as other first-person-shooters tend to do. Rather it banks upon a good time and idiocy. When you’re out of torpedoes and the whales have eaten you, that is part of the fun and the rage.

Even the weapon names are downright awesome, but downright idiotic. When you get your hands on the good old clusterflack you can have yourself a good time making a clusterfuck of the enemies.

If you want a flat out stupid, but absolutely fun and bombastic gameplay there are only a few games I can point to. Fewer still come along as ones that I can highly praise. This is one of them. In my personal opinion Void Bastards is good for one thing, and one thing only; being irritatingly fun and not giving a rats ass about anything else.

The developer Blue Manchu really hit it out of the park with this one. It’s a great game all things considered.

A lot of people questioned if the game was actually decently re-playable when the game came out. I think we need to look at the reasons why you’d want to replay the game. To me it’s fairly simple. When I want to turn my brain off and enjoy a truly clean yet goofy aesthetic, I play the game. If you haven’t played it, and you like stupidly fun games, maybe you should.

Things Final Fantasy XIV Did Wrong – Starting Cities

Before I begin, let me preface this by saying that I think Final Fantasy XIV does a lot of things correctly when it comes to being a very solid MMORPG. I enjoy the game a lot, and I’ve spent plenty of time (and subscription money) to frolic around in Eorzea. What’s Eorzea you ask? Well, it’s the fictional world Final Fantasy XIV is set within.

A bit of backstory seems prudent. I began playing Final Fantasy XI back when it first released in the USA in the early 2000’s. I played the original Final Fantasy XIV before Square Enix tossed aside the project and went back to the drawing board (more on that game and its countless failings in a separate post). That’ll be a rabbit hole if I ever decide to explain that mess.

Anyway, when the game later released anew under the name “A Realm Reborn” I claimed my free copy offered to those of us who had played on the old game for so long and dove headfirst into my favorite type of MMORPG, the Final Fantasy kind.

For years though, I’ve always thought that Final Fantasy XIV made a few decisions that weren’t exactly wise for gamers like myself, coming from other MMORPG’s with the intent to “static” with other players.

What is a “static” you ask? Well, that’s simple, it’s when you play a game only with a select few people, and you do so regularly. In FFXI, static parties were a commonality among close friends. Many MMORPG’s seem to put systems into place that destroy the “static mindset” and considering that FFXI thrived on that style of gameplay, you can guess how I might feel about that…

Generally speaking, I’m not too happy at all with the concept.

While Final Fantasy XIV has plenty to praise, the story line particularly, it also has one thing I absolutely despise… well, it has a few things I despise, but none more so than they way they start you in a city based on what job you plan to level, rather than where you’d LIKE to start.

Say for example, what’s going on for Kresh and I currently as we plan a stream day around Final Fantasy XIV (yes, we both like the game that much, that we’re going to stream it regularly soon). There’s just one problem, I plan to level WHM (White Mage, a healer for the uninitiated). Kresh plans to level a tank… however, there are no tank jobs that start in Gridania, meaning Kresh would have to start elsewhere.

See what I mean?

It kind of defeats the purpose of friends starting off together on new characters. If don’t start there, I would need to wait to level the job required to unlock WHM, however, if we don’t start in the city Kresh where Kresh can get a tanking job, then it makes for the same problem in reverse. This is a confine of the game directly, and it makes for something of problem that is strangely antiquated despite the fact that the much older MMORPG (FFXI) never had this problem if the first place. Jobs were not implemented in this way.

Final Fantasy XI never had any such issue, because you could choose your job and your starting location. It wasn’t a lose-lose situation. It didn’t have to be. Final Fantasy XIV should have followed suit in my personal opinion, because games that discourage friends to play together based on something as arbitrary as starting cities loses focus on what an MMORPG truly is.

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Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game… that’s what MMORPG stands for, and it should be at the core of the valuable systems indicative of the gameplay experience.

In this particular aspect, and a few others, Final Fantasy XIV failed that concept. The starting cities based upon your job within the game is a key point to make about this.

Now, to be clear World of Warcraft had a similar ideology at one point. It was irksome there as well, particularly during the dark ages when being a druid forced you onto starting as either a Tauren or a Night Elf. However, at least in World of Warcraft that made sense within the wider lore and universe. Final Fantasy XIV has no set player-verses-player standard the way that World of Warcraft did, nor, longstanding lore to draw from. Therefore, I find the “lore” argument a harder one to make or even defend for Final Fantasy XIV.

Now, to be clear, in Final Fantasy XIV this really is just a minor annoyance at best, as you can change your job at whim… however, that’s kind of the point. In World of Warcraft, you couldn’t do that. If you picked say… a warrior for example, then that’s what you were… a warrior… you couldn’t suddenly change your job to a mage or or a priest just because you felt like it. You had to start another character and begin the grind again.

In Final Fantasy XI and in Final Fantasy XIV you can level all of the jobs on one single character, with no need to make a second or a third. With this ideology in mind, surely you can see how it might be just a little reductive and in some ways flat out idiotic to demand a starting location based on your starting job alone.

Some games pull off that sort of limitation more believably than others, but in my personal opinion, Final Fantasy XIV just isn’t one of them… you may actually like this system the way it is, and if you do, that’s fine too. This, to me, is just a personal annoyance, but one that sticks out so perniciously as one very bad idea, and one that just didn’t have any real need to be implemented in the first place.

This has been Kernook of The Demented Ferrets, where stupidity is at its finest and level grinds are par for the course. I’ll see you next time.

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The “Bad Writing” of Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin

To start with, we’ve all heard that excuse time and time again from fandom. In our favorite shows, movies, books and other media, there’s always someone who shouts two simple words into the void; “bad writing!”. They shout this before leaving the matter at that.

I’ve seen messy writing in plenty of pieces of media, I’ve seen poorly executed writing even beyond that. However, bad writing is an outlier in such a drastic way that it actually annoys me to hear this turn of phrase more often than not…

Typically a person says this if they don’t agree with a narrative decision within the media presented to them. There’s plenty of discourse to be had about how something could have been done better, sure enough. No story is flawless, after all.

In point of fact, and I say this very adamantly, I tend to find that the “bad writing” argument crops up more often when a person can’t pin down why they dislike the writing so much. That’s why I’m very unrepentant when I say that the “bad writing” argument is a misnomer for greater prevailing issues.

The issue itself could be many things. Perhaps a personal chord was plucked to make someone feel that way. A story could in fact have “bad” moments of “writing” within the material to upset a person. To someone directly and pointedly offended, “bad writing” might be a solid critique of the way a certain theme was handled… I see that argument a lot in the RWBY fandom. Certain subject matters aren’t always handled with care and concern, so that’s why the critique crops up… but really, in that example, the writing isn’t “bad” per-say, just poorly executed.

There are occasions that it could just be “bad writing” though, truth be told, because there are very rare circumstances when what lies before you is actually little more than a pile of irredeemable drivel. The issue is, that’s an oddity, not a rule… but I have located an oddity recently.

As a gamer, I’ve seen poorly contrived plot elements take a back seat for the sake of bombastic gameplay more times than not. In gaming, this is sometimes a serviceable tactic, but not always… a most recent example comes to mind in Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin. You can watch our gameplay of that over on our Twitch channel…

What makes writing bad, generally comes down to how core issues present the themes in the game. To another point, I find the characters themselves generally unlikable. I find this to be the main problem in Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin.

To be pointedly clear though, this really only applies to the beginning and middle of the game. The last hour and a half, two things happen. Firstly, the cut scenes vastly improve. Secondly, the story actually gets VERY, VERY good!

However, the very good part only applies to the latter section of the game, not everything preceding it, and that’s the reason I’m using it as an example today.

In the earliest parts of the game the plot line often comes down to finding a way to cram the word “Chaos” into as much of the dialogue as humanly possible… in some cases, the story itself jumps the shark by doing a fast-forward to skip an event or two that was obviously deemed required by the writing staff.

Let me walk you through why this is “bad writing” directly on its face. Three guys meet, and immediately after introducing themselves, we get a “bro-fist” as they decide to join together. Then, directly after the very questionable act of deciding to become best buddies, we get two throw away paragraphs about what happens after, with no context or plot driven narrative to fall back upon.

That problem is, that jump in content reduces down to explaining the events that took place, without player related input, or even screen splash showing the event. It’s just a black background with white colored words explaining what players should have gotten to experience…

That’s it, just those two plain black images about visiting with the king, who refuses to allow them to take on their intended mission. Instead, they spend weeks together slaying monsters, and that’s it… literally, that’s all you get before the screen fades to black.

Why were they refused? Why do these supposed crystals look like giant cockroach turds? Why are these characters joining forces simply because the crystals can “sense each other” as one of the characters says they can? Why, amid what amounts to be a throw-away paragraph does it seem like a total and complete afterthought?

It feels like either pure laziness, or a decision compounded by some freakish lack of planning, or a budget crisis. Bad design, no cookie for you. Either way, the story goes on from there… a game shouldn’t feel that way, if it could in any way be avoided.

As a player, you return to these characters, who by now know each other, although we the players still know nothing of them. They’re all sitting upon a boat, complaining about how bored they are, and how they want to do the job they came for already, defeating “Chaos”.

We still don’t have a “why” for any of the above that feels reasonable, and you’d be correct to call that “messy writing” by video game standards. You’d be fair to call it lazy in general. In that singular case, where neither gameplay nor firm story-line exists yet, you could go so far as to call it bad writing. You’d even be right to do so… because at this point, we know next to nothing about these characters, or their deeper motivations.

I don’t often care much for the “show, don’t tell” rule in writing. There are times you do have to “tell” an off-screen plot element or two instead of showcasing it… but this use of “telling” is much too flagrant here. It is bad writing, firm and flat out… that’s why I fall to Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin as my foremost example of “bad writing”, because frankly, there was just no excuse.

As I said before though, in gaming, a good story-line typically takes a back seat to bombastic gameplay. To be honest, that game is very bombastic, over the top in the best of times.

According to Kresh, who is playing the game on the stream, it’s also pretty fun on occasion. Perhaps that’s a saving grace, but the story-line and the occasional direct lack of it, does hinder the game too.

I cannot personally comment on how “fun” it is to play. I can only speak upon the theatricality of the combat itself. However, I’ll say this, you’d be hard pressed to call the gameplay itself boring, as even your small, typically encountered leveling fodder have a habit to explode in bright, if ominous colors.

This tends to leave a crystalline residue of their exploded corpses in their wake… and frankly, as I said, it is bombastic. I don’t think you could call it brilliant, or even tangentially metaphorical to the plot-line at all. It has ties to the deeper themes, sure enough… but it doesn’t lend to the world building in a way that feels satisfactory. It just looks cool.

All-in-all if you need a very recent example of bad writing in game design, look no further than Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin. Does it entirely ruin the game? No, not exactly. It’s still a serviceable gameplay experience. It’s interesting enough for me to watch, and for Kresh to play… so there is that at least. That said, if you want a solid narrative, this isn’t the Final Fantasy title for you… far from it.

This has been Kernook of The Demented Ferrets, where stupidity is at its finest and level grinds are par for the course. I’ll see you next time.

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Fandom: Resident Evil 3 Remake Announcement Trailer


The announcement trailer can be found above.

As you can likely guess from the disclaimer, this is an old post. That being said, when the initial hype for the game was in full swing, I was one of the many fans excited for the game.

I’m sad to say I wasn’t a huge fan of the game, but I’ll talk about why when I review the game in it’s entirety. That’s a separate post though. For now, the content below is merely a time in fandom when I was far too excited for my own good.

The official trailer for the Resident Evil 3: Remake has me so excited to see what’s in store for the survival horror genre.

Old fans of the series will easily recall the dynamic game-play of the original game, released for PlayStation back in September of 1999. I’d like to take a few moments to share my fondness of Resident Evil, and Resident Evil 3: Nemesis particularly.

Playing as Jill Valentine was one of my favorite things to do in the early days of Resident Evil. Back in the first game, I played her story over Chris’s. Getting to return to her character after the events of Resident Evil 2 was what made me beg my mom for the game. She agreed to get it as a late birthday gift. I counted the days until it hit store shelves. Unfortunately the game dropped on a Wednesday, and I had to wait until Friday after school to get it.

The wait seemed like forever. Finally the day came, and I immediately started playing as soon as we arrived home with the game disc in hand. Playing Resident Evil three was a very memorable moment in my life. While many fans call Resident Evil 2 the best game in the franchise, I have always loved Resident Evil 3: Nemesis even more.

Despite the many flaws that Resident Evil 3: Nemesis had, I fondly recall that it was the first survival horror game I was able to beat on my own. My birthday is in the middle of September. I was a child, and survival horror was something that I just couldn’t help but be enamored with. The problem was that I was very young for a mature rated game. My older brother, 7 years my senior, usually had to help me with other games in the genre.

At the time, I was too young to understand some of the puzzles. I had trouble overcoming the problems that came with having a limited supply of ammo. Other survival horror games had me stumped, or were simply too difficult at the time. Without help, I didn’t get a chance to beat the games at all.

At least, not until Resident Evil 3: Nemesis released for the PlayStation. It was the game that allowed me to fully experience survival horror, without help from anyone. Looking back as an adult, the easy mode was probably too easy.

In hindsight offering such a huge capacity of weapons and ammo allowed me to blast my way through the entire game. I didn’t need assistance, but I also didn’t learn the skills required of other survival horror games. That said, while easy mode was too easy, the normal mode and beyond provided a sufficient challenge. After playing Resident Evil 3: Nemesis on easy, I returned to it invigorated. Feeling empowered and encouraged, I beat it two more times. Once on normal and once on hard. After that, I was able to return back to the other releases in the franchise. Finally, I could play them entirely on my own.

As you can see, I owe a lot of my love for survival horror genre to Resident Evil 3. Seeing this remake come out is a dream come true for me.

The release date for Resident Evil 3: Remake is April 3, 2020, and there seems to be plenty to look forward to.

I’m honestly at the edge of my seat waiting for this game to come out. I haven’t felt this much child-like glee for a game release in years. With a burst of healthy nostalgia, and an overwhelming excitement to see what changes have been made, I sit here with a smile on my face. For me, this heartfelt elation is what it means to be a gamer.

Seeing this franchise come back to life the way that it has in recent years does my soul good. There are few things in this world as simple as sitting down to play a game. Only a handful are more rewarding than sharing that passion with others like myself. Watching the hype slowly build as the fan base grows. I can’t put a price on it. It’s too valuable to me.

In some ways, I feel like a child again. I’m eagerly waiting to have the game in my hands. I can’t help counting away the moments until I can experience Jill’s story and Raccoon City anew.

When the game comes out, I’ll be playing, will you?

This has been Kernook of The Demented Ferrets, where stupidity is at its finest and level grinds are par for the course. I’ll see you next time.

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With your contributions, you make our efforts possible. Thank you for supporting our content. Patreon supporters receive access into our official Discord server, and a few other perks depending on the tier. If you don’t care for Patreon, and don’t care about perks, you can always support us through PayPal too… links below.

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($50) Round Table Ferret/Fluffy Ferret: Josh Sayer

Gameplay: Kreshenne Plays Jazz Jackrabbit

In the video below, Kreshenne takes on Jazz Jackrabbit, a somewhat difficult platformer developed and published by Epic MegaGames. Originally released in 1994 for PC on the DOS operating system, this game saw a fairly decent player base in it’s heyday. Nowadays, Speed runners return to the game, showcasing impressive speeds, glitches, and more.

Sadly, there’s no such impressive feats of skill here. Just Kresh getting annoyed and Kern laughing at all havoc.

Kresh Plays: Jazz Jackrabbit


More About The Game

Hey everyone, Kernook here. I just want to give a little bit more information about the game for those who haven’t played it or heard of it before. Hopefully you enjoy the gameplay video above, but let’s talk about the game a bit.

Jazz Jackrabbit also saw releases for Mac and Windows in 1995 and 1996. It was one of the first titles to bring platformer games to computers. The game was re-released on GOG.com in November of 2017.

Notable titles in the series include: Jazz Jackrabbit 2 (1998), Jazz Jackrabbit 3 (1999), and a few others.

The game is set in a fantasy world, akin to “The Tortoise and the Hare“. The old children’s story providing the perfect set dressing to this awesome platformer. Though it pulls inspiration from a classic, this game is distinctly futuristic. Space travel and planetary conquest gives the game a unique spin.

The basic story is that the ongoing animosity between tortoises and hares lingers for about three thousand years. The tortoise in the telling of the story is named named Devan Shell, a rather evil tortoise and a mastermind to boot. Jazz Jackrabbit is not only the titular character, but the protagonist of the game as well. Jazz aims to defeat Devan and make his home planet a happy place one more. To do this, he must also rescue his planet’s princess, a common trope of platforming titles.

Jazz is depicted as a bright green jackrabbit with attitude. He’s a rough and tumble sort of rabbit. He’s often shown wearing a red bandanna and matching bracers. He toes a blue “blaster” style gun, which the player uses in combat against enemies.

Gameplay

This is your standard platformer in many ways. The player controls Jazz. He will gain momentum and run faster the longer he moves forward. He also jumps higher too. The player will need to avoid the traps. Lost players will occasionally see an arrow or two to guide their way, but navigation isn’t too difficult.

There’s a lives system, and a health system.

You can collect up to ten lives total. When you lose a life, Jazz starts from the beginning of the level. If you managed yo reach a checkpoint before you lost a life, you begin at that checkpoint sign.

Jazz can get hurt, and that’s why he has a life bar.  It will change in color depending on how much health he has left. Jazz can only take a few hits, and the number changes based on the difficulty. Easy mode provides five, the most you can get. Medium offers four. Hard and Turbo modes offer only three. When Jazz gets hurt you can try to find a carrot to heal him.

There’s also a system of “buffs”, items that can help you on your way. As mentioned above, you can pick up carrots as healing items, and occasionally find an extra life. There’s also a shield that protects Jazz from getting hurt. You can also find upgrades that give Jazz the ability of rapid fire and super jumps. There are collectibles too, and that’s important for each stage.

While Jazz begins with his basic blue blaster, you can upgrade that too. Some of the weapons include bouncing launcher grenades, flame bullets, and TNT. Jazz can also get a sidekick in the form of a bird as well.

Like most platformers the game has a timer. You need to complete the level in the time you have. If time counts down to zero, Jazz loses a life. To complete each stage, the player must reach the finish and shoot the sign before time runs out. The player is then provided with additional points awarded for the remaining time. If a player receives a perfect score by collecting all of the items, they will get to play a bonus stage.

Bonus Stages and Secret Levels

If the player finishes the stage with a big red diamond, they’ll enter a bonus stage. The objective is to collect as many blue diamonds as possible before the timer runs out. If you can beat the bonus stage, you’ll get an extra life as a reward.

Bonus games aren’t the only thing you’ll find. Jazz Jackrabbit also has secret levels. I hope you’ll play the game yourself, so I won’t discuss them at length here.

For more information rearguard this game, you could check out this review written by Cory D. Lewis, or this review over on PC gamer.

All in all though, I really just suggest that you play the game for yourself. If you like retro platforming titles, Jazz Jackrabbit is a solid addition to your gaming library.

This has been Kernook of The Demented Ferrets, where stupidity is at its finest and level grinds are par for the course. I’ll see you next time.

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($50) Round Table Ferret/Fluffy Ferret: Josh Sayer

Is Death Stranding Worth playing?

Hideo Kojima is a master at making objectively good games. It’s not a question, it’s fact. He’s a risk taker, making games with mechanics that don’t have a “one size fits all” approach. From the early Metal Gear series, to the P.T. Demo, Kojima has proven time and time again that he knows what it takes to make a good game. His greatest games push incredibly deep narratives, multifaceted, and compelling.

Then Death Stranding came out and made waves among the gaming community. Although it sold well, the game just wasn’t as well-received as it could have been. Strong positive reviews aside, hard-core gaming critics and casuals alike raised eyebrows at this odd title. While most of the reviews seemed to be positive, of them slammed the game for having uninteresting point A-to-B slog with questionable story telling. Others complained about the fiddly controls in the game. Even I have to admit a few of the mechanics were pretty annoying.

At the time, the occasional annoyed rants from the larger review sites only fueled my desire to play it. I didn’t really know what I was in for. My expectations weren’t incredibly high. Personally, I feel that the higher my expectations are for something, the more I let myself down when those desires aren’t reached.

After all, game developers don’t owe me anything just because their artistic vision didn’t meet my own criteria for what a good game should be. That said, I have three basic criteria for any game I play.

If a game can meet these standards and I still don’t like it, then it’s my fault. If I ended up buying a game I don’t like, and that’s not something I can blame a developer for.

My three rules are the following:

  1. The game must ultimately be playable. No game breaking bugs, visual eye-sores, or glitches that will severely hinder and impede my game-play experience.
  2. The game must be reasonably priced for what it has to offer. If I shell out money for a game, I want to know that I’m getting a quality experience that at least reflects that price. I don’t mind paying large amounts of money for a shorter game-play experience, but, that experience must be worth something.
  3. The game must be accessible for me play on some basic level. I have a fine motor-skill disorder. That often means games like Dark Souls kill me repeatedly on hard mode. That said, I can still play, beat, and enjoy the game. I don’t ask for an easy game. However, I expect the controls to be fluid. The subtitles must be easy to see and to read. The mechanics of the game must choreograph properly what’s happening on screen.

For example, if something’s about to shoot at me, I want an obvious sign of that someplace. I don’t want to be sniped and have no obvious way to tell. If I’m about to get a “game over”, I want a clear and consist metric that’s about to happen.

I think that those three criteria are essential for any good game. With the building blocks in place, any game has a chance to be a fun, interactive piece of media.

Having completed Death Stranding, I’ll say this: For adults, Death Stranding is worth playing at least once.

This is not a children’s game, and it doesn’t try to be. This game was crafted for an adult gamer, with a firm sense of self, and a firm grasp of morally grey ideology. Parents should use caution when buying it for their mature teenagers. Do your research first, and don’t just pluck this game off of the first shelf you see.

The controls are a little clunky, yes. There is absolutely no disputing that. However, if I can figure them out and navigate the game with Dyspraxia, then the controls must not be a complete failure. They are repetitive, but that serves a narrative purpose. It’s not complete and total garbage. They’re just not the greatest, either.

Multiple layers of subtext in the game will always be important, and Death Stranding uses mechanics as a metaphor. Yes, perhaps it is a bit overdone. Yet, everything in this game seems to have been placed there intentionally, and the story is captivating in its own strange way. I adore the opening quote at the start of the game, and the somber opening song.

The themes are dark and heavy, the game reflects that masterfully. The world is beautifully crafted, and the design is completely immersive. The mechanics aren’t always easy. There are times when the game falls a little short, but it isn’t a bad game.

If you start to look at the game as a complete narrative experience, it’s actually quite good. If you haven’t played it yet, pick the game up when it’s on sale. Give it a try. You may end up liking it too.

This has been Kernook of The Demented Ferrets, where stupidity is at its finest and level grinds are par for the course. I’ll see you next time.

With your contributions, you make our efforts possible. Thank you for supporting our content. Patreon supporters receive access into our official Discord server, and a few other perks depending on the tier. If you don’t care for Patreon, and don’t care about perks, you can always support us through PayPal too… links below.

Those who join via Patreon get special perks, such as extra content, quicker updates, early fiction chapters and more.

Click to Donate

To Our Supporters

Thank you for helping us to enrich our content.

Patreon Supporters:
($3) Little Ferrets: None
($5) Demented Minions: Francis Murphy and Andrew Wheal.
($7) Fandom Ferret: None
($14) True Blue Ferret: None.
($25) Premium Ferret: None.
($50) Round Table Ferret/Fluffy Ferret: Josh Sayer